If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
