I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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