I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
