So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
