just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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