i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
