If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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