you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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