Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She even gives head with a lisp.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
