Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
