shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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