after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
