Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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