Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
