I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
