Apparently you make a good broom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
