i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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