I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
