you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
