thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
