I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
