I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
