I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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