and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
