dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
