So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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