cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
