so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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