Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
