I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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