It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
smell my finger.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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