Just fell off a train. Bad.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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