My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
