I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
