i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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