Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
