I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
