You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
