Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
