Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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