I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
