Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
