saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
honey bunches of taint.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
