Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
