Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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