I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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