Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
