I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
