Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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