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We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
