her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
